Have we all lost our mind?

Said my dad today. "Your mum is getting herself a toy, you got yourself a stress-releaser...What on earth is going on here?!"

My mum's toy is a brand new Chihuahua which is coming home tomorrow, plus it's 1,000 accessories (the squeaking duck, the mini bones made of buffalo meat - bleah!, a rope, the leash, a basket and -believe it or not...dog nappies!!!).

My toy is a 1.60 m high punching bag. I actually never meant to buy it for myself, it was supposed to be a present for a crazy friend, but I ended up getting 2. I am a convinced pacifist, I've said this before, but this thing is just brilliant! It's filled with 7 litres of water at the base and with air in the cylindric part. You don't need boxing gloves to punch it and you can hit it as hard as you want. It will tilt but it won't fall :)

I don't know if we've lost our mind (I've always been a crazy lassie, I can say that for a fact). All I know is that I'm glad I can still get excited like a child about little things like:

- a stupid item (see intro) I bought myself "just for fun"
-  giving a surprise present to my friend (you know I like surprises, don't you? :) But I actually think preparing a surprise is even more fun than getting one.
- ugly wee creatures (ibid :)

While keeping this childish side of my personality alive, I am also a very emotional person. Among the things that moved me today (almost to tears, I may add) are:

- the realisation that some people are as happy to be my friends as I am to be their friend (and they are able to show it)
- the strength and good mood of some people although they are going through a difficult time
- the tenderness with which a mother describes her child (I was equally moved by the great style of writing, I have to say)
- recollections from last year's open day at the interpreting department (and all the bundle of feelings that come with it: excitement, fear, tiredness, sense of achievement)
- my dad changing tonight's menu "because I know you like this better"(if you know my dad, you know he doesn't change his mind that often).

Random but true!

While writing this I am thinking I should maybe stop being so emotional and cheesy and actually call the people I care about to let them know I haven't disappeared. Will do so very soon. Luckily it's almost the end of the week!

50 shades of red

Red like the tomatoes I'm eating while writing this
I am so incredibly hungry and yet so incredibly tired that I couldn't even get myself to fry an egg. So tomatoes are all I am having for dinner. Not bad, since I've recently read an article about how chocolate helps you lose weight (!) and have been taking it a wee bit too seriously.

Red like the logo of the company I work for
My everyday companion.

Red like the normal roasting Iperespresso capsule
As opposed to green for decaf.

Red like my brand new wheelchair
Superspeedy and veeeery trendy! I called it Scott (no coincidence!). I can now finally roll like a pro.
* Can someone please tell me it's normal to call things by name?

Red like almost all the furniture in my living room
Sofa, armchair and flower stickers on the wall

Red like my face after a day out on a sailing boat
Love it! I really need to go on a sailing course to understand more. Hmm... funny how I always want to work things out. Yes, I definitely think too much!

Red like the sunset over my town
When the sun and the sea meet.

Red like rhubarb and strawberry jam
All I need now are the scones! Need to start working on that without delay.

Red like number 2 and the letter A and B 
Each of them a different shade, though.

Red like blood
The blood I am afraid I will see one day after punching someone in the face. I am realising more and more that I am not as shy and condescending as I thought I was. Some (little) things/comments/criticisms make me go nuts!

Red like sangria
Sangre = blood (mental link n°1)

Red like passion
Sangria = alcohol = passion - for some (mental link n°2). As I have already told T., in Italy any event is an opportunity to drink. New car? Drink! New wheelchair? Drink!! Passed exam? Drink!!! Got a contract? Drink!!!! Feel sad? Drink!!!!! Feel happy? Drink!!!!!! Feel sick? NO WONDER!!!!!

Otherwise passion for what I do and for the people around me. I have come to the conclusion I need to enjoy the good moments until they last (while knowing they won't last forever).

Red like M.'s door
The prelude to looooads of food and laughter!

Red like a switched-on microphone
Oh yeah!

Red like love
Goodnight, lovely people!

On normality and on testing people

When I started complaining about how many fake people there are in this world, M. just went:

"Aw, but I remember you telling me you test people, right? I mean, you say things you really don't agree with to see what their reaction is going to be and whether you can be good friends with them."

I don't know where this piece of information came from, I am pretty sure I have never done that and I was quite shocked to hear  things about myself I didn't know about :) Nevertheless, I think testing people wouldn't be such a bad idea. Like on those matchmaking websites, right? You pass the test - we can be friends. The truth is...Well, as someone once said, "The truth is rarely pure and never simple". Neither are we, so I don't think testing would work with human relations...We are way too complicated. One must just learn that there are different degrees of closeness and different degrees of trust. My problem is that I am always myself and I think other people are always who they are too. Big mistake.  

I think it's funny how our brain works. We often misinterpret other people's behaviour (I do, at least), we sometimes remember things that never happened and often have some kind of premonitions. Blogging only adds more confusion to the whole thing since it is hard to remember what you've told someone personally and what people know about you because they read your posts. An even more complex stage is dreaming about having read something that has never been written on a blog. Stuff like that happens to perfectly normal and balanced people. :)

As you probably know, all perfectly balanced people have two personalities.

Right now, the pessimist in me says: 

"I am actually tired of dealing with people: hypocritical colleagues, wheelchair dealers, taxi drivers, fake friends whom you don't want to see and true friends you don't manage to see because you are too busy. This is why I have decided to take the weekend off and go away. By away I don't mean somewhere far, I just mean the middle of the sea, on a sailing boat. Just me, the sea, a light breeze the wind and the sun. I am really looking forward to it!"

I can't wait for the weekend to begin...

On the other hand, the optimist thinks:

"The universe helps you find a solution to any problem. I am not religious at all, in fact I am an atheist. Yet, I think very little is left to chance. Your life plans may change and your whole world might be turned upside down, but in the end things always work out. If you really want something (and you work hard for it), you'll get there eventually. The world is full of amazing people who can teach you a lot and allow you to be someone great. Peace and love"

Both the optimist and the pessimist in me agree that if you are reading this you've probably passed the test and are now part of a very restricted group of privileged people. :) As for me, I feel privileged too. A couple of lovely chats, a(n unexpected delivery of) beer and a cake just turned a crappy day into a good one. I have also just added the testing anecdote to my (already very long) list of in-jokes. :)

Missing

Have you ever noticed how, no matter what you do and where you are, there's always something you miss? That's what it's like for me, anyway.

These days I miss having breakfast in the morning (not that I ever managed to have breakfast, but around 10 am my stomach clearly tells me the cappuccino I down when I get to work is definitely not enough!).

I miss having proper conversations, not just the hi-how-are-you-I-am-fine-I-have-to-go-I-am-sorry-I-will-see-you-later ones. By proper, I mean Café Brio ones, where the minimum time you spend with someone is one hour. And of course I miss having time to waste however I like.

I miss talking about languages, translations, interpreting. I miss the booth, the feeling you get when you turn on the mike, the excitement when you find the right expression in a split second, the feeling of accomplishment when you finish interpreting a difficult speech.

I miss not being the driving force of a friendship, feeling wanted and needed. It's not easy to always be the one running after people. Funnily enough, when other people run after me I don't seem to care as much as when I have to chase them. Is that human nature or am I masochistic?

I miss eating lunch slowly instead of choking on food and force-feeding myself in 20 minutes.

I lack motivation. I definitely do. I am just too tired.

I miss studying and feeling nerdy but cool because I know EVERYTHING ;) there is to know about the world around me.

I miss coming home and making dinner with T. while talking about politics, language(s) and life in general.

And yet, never before have I been able to enjoy spring and the sun so much. Never before have I been able to let things behind me the way I do now. Nor was I able to deal with a gazillion different things at once.

I've never looked forward to the summer as much, despite knowing that I will hardly go anywhere. I don't care about going to a thousand different places, actually. One place is more than enough. And that's where I'll be going.

Think less, run more...and focus!

Today I ran my first 7k. And I am alive! 

It all happened so randomly. My parents were going to walk 7k anyway, since my dad is addicted to running but cannot run for medical reasons. My mum is someone who's never run properly but she's really fit and active. So two days ago we were talking about the race, a big one for our standards since it involves about 12,000 people, and my crazy parents just went:"Well, why don't you come with us? It would be fun, don't you think?"

I usually never say no to new experiences and I've recently discovered the beauty and the benefits of going for a run after work, so I knew I was quite fit and I could do at least part of the 7k by myself. My major worry was the technical part, i.e. not having a proper wheelchair - one of those which look more like a bike and go really fast. A vehicle like that makes your life so much easier when it comes to running. Running in my usual wheelchair, on the other hand, is not easy at all. You really need to push hard and you often have to bend forward a lot to keep going. Nevertheless, I knew I could count on my parents and some friends...and I just went for it.

12,000 people starting off in the same place = a total mess! Especially if we are talking about unruly Italians. Elbows in people's stomachs, people shouting, people tripping over...All that was part of this morning's excitement. And then it all started: a green wave moving (more or less) quickly towards the same goal. I have always disliked the fact that Italian people always want to look different, be smarter or hotter than others. Today everyone was wearing the same ugly T-shirt, yet everyone looked so happy. I guess the vast majority of today's runners will feel the consequences of their act of bravery tomorrow (I already do!), but I don't think they care.

Another nice thing was talking to random people along the way (or at least trying to say a few words of mutual encouragement while catching breath) and feeling that we all belong to the same wee spot in the universe. Not only that. After a lot of thinking about my future and worrying a lot (way too much, actually!) about what other people think about me, I came to the conclusion that focussing on other people is sometimes nice, other times necessary but often extremely unproductive. I am someone who gets overly excited about people and I like spending lots of time with friends, but I am often so busy trying to make other people happy that I forget about myself.

Today I feel every single muscle in my body so I know for a fact that I am alive and happy. I also know I have amazing parents who have always been there to "give me a push" when I needed it the most. I know there are people who are going to stay in my life forever, although they are miles away and others who may (modality = doubt :) not be there in the future, although we live in the same town. Banal as it may sound, the best thing one can do is live for the moment and cherish every piece of cake, every funny joke and every hug s/he gets today because it might all be gone by tomorrow (especially the cake!).

I feel quite wise after having run 7k...Should I consider running 10, 15, 21k to see if I can finally grow up? :) (I am seriously thinking about getting myself a handbike and start running properly! It's sooo addictive!). From now on, my motto is going to be: Think less, run more and focus, for f**** sake (the last point refers to my dissertation, in case you were wondering!).