venerdì 29 maggio 2015

Stream of consciousness (Friday style)

Those who know me well know that on Fridays I am even crazier than usual and I just stop caring about what comes out of my mouth. Here's a wee taster of how bad it can get.

Bulls
In my next life I want to be a bull breeder. a) because I want bulls to be happy and free to run after cows b) because I am at the right height to make accurate examinations and health checks.

Toilets
I have been wondering about toilet etiquette. Why do guys always lift the toilet seat and never put it down again after peeing? Wouldn't it be more logical (and nicer for those who will empty their bladder after them) to leave the toilet seat as they found it?

Toilet accessibility issues. Last weekend I went to a cafe I had never been to before and had to use the toilet. I asked the lady behind the counter if it was accessible and she replied: "Well, I am not sure...The door's a bit narrow." to which I responded: "No problem, I can walk a bit." She replied back: "Great, then you'll be fine." Once I got to the toilet I realised that the door was ok but the toilet was a Turkish toilet. Now, how is that supposed to be accessible?

Kids
Why do they always go out on the balcony when they have tantrums? (by the way, I've always been fascinated by the fact that in English you say to have tantrums. There's no deliberate action involved, kids just have them, as if they suddenly became posessed by an evil force and couldn't do anything about it). Why do they either cry or play what sounds like war games? And why do they do it above my head? At one point they were making so much noise I really thought there was an airstrike of some kind (or nuclear bombing, wasn't sure). I went to the garden and...there it was, the bomb: a football landed right on my head. Since I don't have a balcony, I cried in the garden.

Dogs (?)
I am aware that being a Chihuahua must be hard. I mean, no one can spell their family name correctly (even I have to double check every time). Also, everyone thinks we have a cat. Then they realise it's a dog and go: "Aw, it's actually much smaller than my cat." It must be darn hard. But why (why?) do Chihua... (can't be bothered) need to assert their dogness at 7 am, just as their human friends are under the shower, and wake up the whole neighbourhood (to then go straight back to sleep and wake up at "food time")?

Adults
Why do older adults pat younger adults (me) on the head?
Why do they go for a walk in the woods and talk just as loud as football fans before a football match?
Why do I keep forgetting how old children are? I always think they are much younger (and shorter) than they actually are. I used to hate it when that happened to me when I was younger and now I am making the same mistakes and I am being told off for acting "just like a granny". Sigh!

Love
Nah, enough rambling.


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