Accès intérdit!

Let me tell you, it can get terribly lonely at DG TRAD. Each translator has their own office and translations keep coming in regularly. We are all busy staring at our screens, looking things up in three different dictionaries at once and, in my case, downing litres of water with aspirin (my head is still not ok after the injury).

One of my objectives after my last work experience was to have a better relationship with my boss and colleagues. I have decided that it was ok to be friendly, but there were certain rules I needed to follow:

- my private life (wait, do I have one?) is private. No one needs to know about the men queueing up in front of my house every day of the week.
- never complain (one of my biggest mistakes)
- do not make up excuses if you make a mistake (another thing I've always been good at)
- express yourself clearly and succintly
- remember you are here to work

At first sticking to them is not easy, I admit, but it worked. My social interaction with colleagues was limited to a sleepy: "Jutro!" in the morning and an occasional smile, until I decided that establishing some kind of human contact wouldn't do any harm to anyone. I started taking regular breaks and go for a fast "walk" down the corridor. Most doors are closed and all you can hear is the sound of frantic typing. However, some colleagues have discovered they actually don't mind interacting with other human beings, albeit for a quick: "Is everything alright?"

That's what my tutor does too. She's a very reserved and quiet person indeed, but she's also incredibly nice, competent and efficient. Since she's such a nice tutor, I have decided I am going to be a good tutee and make sure she's not working too much. The day before yesterday, ten minutes before I had to leave, I decided to go to say 'hi' to her. As I walked in she looked at me and shook her head going:

"I am going crazy with this financial report. Just as well I have someone to keep me company here in the office."

True, our offices are big, but not so big for me not to notice another human being in the room. I looked around thinking that maybe she had managed to bring in a dog/cat/rabbit, but all I could see were heaps of paper, more paper, dictionaries and more dictionaries. I thought:

"This is it, she's lost it, buh-bye tutor!"

She noticed my bewildered look and turned quickly to her desk. On the right side of the keyboard was an upside-down yoghurt lid and on it lied a tiny wee brown beetle.

"I just couldn't throw him out of the window. With this cold weather he would freeze instantly!" she said. "I gave him water, thinking he might be thirsty. I then thought he is probably also hungry. I had no idea what I could feed him, so I tried with a piece of tangerine. You wouldn't imagine how happy he was. He just wouldn't get away from it. I even started talking to him, but in the afternoon he suddenly disappeared and I have to admit I was a bit offended, I thought he liked me!" she said, clearly amused.

Her face darkened and she went:

"I really hope the cleaning ladies won't kill him. They seem to have the urge to re-arrange things their own way."

I couldn't agree more: cleaning ladies can be extremely annoying. I also felt sympathy for these two lost souls who just found each other, so I suggested:

"Why don't you write a note saying: 'Vous êtes priés de ne pas toucher mon animal de compagnie' or put a notice on your door saying: 'Accès intérdit - bête à l'intérieur'."

Both of us probably imagined the face the cleaning lady would make and we burst out laughing. We just couldn't stop. It took us about ten minutes to pull ourselves together. When I eventually managed to make a straight enough face to leave my tutor's office, we both had tears in our eyes and I am pretty sure some colleagues who saw me teary-eyed wondered what was wrong.

I guess this was the end of my career as a a serious and professional trainee. The good side of the story is that I now know the words for beetle, cockroach and cockchafer in all six languages (yes, even in Swedish). The bad side is that I'll associate beetles with my tutor for the rest of my life!

P.S. In case you were wondering what happened to the new institutional pet...He's alive and happy in his new environment. Let's see if he survives the weekend :)

Winter Wonderland

It's been snowing for three days now and when I say snowing I mean almost uninterruptedly. I feel like I've been living in one of those glass snow globes you buy in cheap souvenir shops. It's all very nice if you decide to treat yourself to the luxury of a transport free-weekend like I did this time (I think it was the first weekend I've spent at home since moving to Lux) and drink tea/hot chocolate/coffee...but sometimes it's a bit too much.

There is so much snow outside that I couldn't even get to the cinema (which is literaly across the street) to see The Theory of Everything. I thought I could roll at least for a couple of metres before getting stuck, but no, these wheels are really not designed for snow. Why would they be? Disabled people are sensible enough to know they should stay inside when the weather gets rough. Alternatively they can always take a taxi for a 200-metres ride. Too much of a hassle? Bollocks! They get a pension so they can obviously afford it.

There is so much snow outside that I cannot even meet my potential future husband and invite him over for a cup of tea.

There is so much snow outside that it gets caught on my wheels and when I get indoors it melts, leaving large puddles under my wheelchair and making it look like I just peed myself. Not the best way to impress my potential future husband.

There is so much snow outside that the lift is broken (again!) and there's no one to fix it.

There is so much snow outside that the postman decided to make his job a bit more interesting, turning it into a treasure hunt. He stopped putting the letters in the right post boxes, thinking it is way too easy. Instead, he leaves them in another building on top of a very high shelf (T., that's probably why I still haven't got hold of your card!).

There is so much snow outside that it feels like half a metre, when in fact it's probably more like 10 centimetres. Enough to make my life exciting and for me to finally relax and read a book. Hope you are all warm and cosy. :)