Falling

These past few months have been rough. Coming back home has its pros and cons, just like every change in one's life. It is important to stay focused even when things don't go as planned, because when it happens there's a domino effect and the world seems to start crumbling down. I have been feeling a bit like that since I've gone back to my everyday life, but I know for a fact that you can always get back up and start over. In fact, most people do this every day without even realising.

Yesterday I fell for real. Twice. I have been trying to walk and exercise more these days, because I've realised that jumping on and off planes/trains/buses requires some stamina (I have some funny stories on this topic in the pipeline). Most of the time I feel satisfied with my progress, while other days I feel as if I were walking on a rope suspended in the air.

Falling in itself is not a problem. I have mastered all the techniques. I started learning how to fall "correctly" (i.e. so as to avoid major damage to my vital parts) when I first started walking with crutches, I must have been seven. My physical therapist would make me stand facing them and suddenly they would push me and let me fall on a massive matress. They would do this over and over again, telling me to get up as soon as I could. With time, I learnt how to fall more slowly and I knew exactly at what angle I needed to tilt my head in order not to get hurt. The system is a good one and it works in real life too. There's only one difference: there are no matresses in real life.

You take a step and you know you are going to end up on the floor. So your brain and body start getting ready for the fall. The only imperative is: protect your head. So you start falling and it feels like you have been thrown out of a plane. 3, 2, 1...Boom! You land on the ground, your head is safe, the rest of your body is in pain, but there's no time to feel the pain. As when you where seven, you need to get up as soon as possible. When I was little, I thought I needed to get up because, honestly, who would rather lie on the floor? Now I know that there's another reason for it and it's nothing to do with me. It's to do with those around me. They watch me fall they feel powerless. Guilty. Scared. That's why the first thing I do after I land on the ground is smile and tell everyone I am fine (I am not fine, it hurts like hell, but let them believe that). I can see their facial muscles relax and hear them say: "Alright, don't you ever do this again!" (as if I liked doing it!).

Here I am, the day after, covered in bruises and every single part of my body is telling me to leave it alone. As painful as it is, life goes on. This, too, shall pass. I guess it's a bit like that with everything in life. It hurts. You are covered in bruises, but you need to get back on your feet quickly and start over. Only your closest friends will know how much it still hurts, the rest of the world will see you smile and hear you say that everything is ok.

At the end of the day it's true. Everything is ok. As my boss used to say when I was worried about a translation not being good enough: "The world is still standing."

Canta che ti passa

That's what you say in Italian when someone is in an unpleasant situation. It literally means: Sing and it'll go away. Although nothing really unpleasant happened to me, I've been planning, thinking and feeling a wee bit too much lately, so I've decided to follow this advice.  

When a friend invited me to join her choir I thought: why would I? I can hardly read music. I am already doing too many things. Plus I am probably not staying here for much longer...

The fact is, the more I do, the more things I actually get done. So I said I'd give it a try. Surprisingly my music reading skills aren't as bad as I thought and I quite enjoyed singing. I'm not sure for how long I'll be able to be part of the choir or if singing really helps to get your mind off things (in my case it hasn't had the desired effect), but let me tell you: singing this song was one of the most amazing experiences ever!

An ordinary work day

8.50 - I get in the building where I work

8.55 - I go to say 'hi' to Colleague 1, who says: "Here, I have some left over cake. Have some." I accept happily.

9.00 - I speed up along the corridor to say 'hi' to Colleague 2: "I've made an almond cake yesterday. I'll bring you some." I say I'm already armed with cake, but she insists. I take my second piece of cake.

9.05 - I switch on my computer, check my mail and open the text I've been working on.

9.07 - Colleague 1 comes to my office: "You have a cold, dear. Would you like some tea with honey, honey?" Tea and cake. Yummy!

I manage to work for 10 minutes. Then Boss 1 hears me caugh and comes to my office: "Here, have an apple, it's good for your cold." Ok, apples are healthy.

Then I work for a whole 20 minutes, until Boss 2 comes to my office with a tray holding 70 (yes, 70!) waffles: "I know it's slightly more difficult to go to the caffeteria, so please, have a gauffre, I made them myself for my birthday." It looks amazing, but the thought of having a waffle after two slices of cake is revolting.

9.45 - Colleague 1 brings me a cup of tea and announces we'll be having coffee in half an hour

10.15 - Coffee break (break from what?)

10.30 - Work (finally). Legal texts can be entertaining.

11.00 - Colleague 2 comes round with her veggie box: "Would you like some veggies, sweetie? Mellah (Maltese for come on, I guess), take more! A carrot? A bit of pepper?"

11.45. Colleague 3, a shy Swede, who is really not a morning person, asks me if I would like to have lunch with him some day this week. I say it'd be great and attempt a: "Have my gauffre, please." in Swedish. He accepts. Phew! I won't have to eat it.

12.15 - It's lunchtime. Colleague 4 calls saying that she (and her baby) are hungry. She takes so much food that she can't finish it so I finish it, just like I've been taught in nursery school. One for mommy, one for daddy...

13.30 - I am back in the office, just in time to get the daily batch of trademark revisions out of the way. No one dares to come near me. I can be very dangerous at trademark o'clock

15.00 - Once I am done with trademarks I am approachable again. Colleague 3 decides not to be shy and gets me a coffee. Luckily there is no cake left and everyone else seems busy.

16.00 - Colleague 1 comes to my office. "Hey, I have some soup left over from lunch. Have it for dinner, if you want."

16.30 - Colleague 2: "Another carrot, sweetie?" No. Not another one.

Focus. Focus, Dana. Focus.

My belly is bloated and I can hardly move. Resist! By 17.30 most colleagues will be gone. No more temptations.

17.30 - Colleague 5 (British), who knows how much I like British desserts, says she's going home. She'll bake scones for the next day: "We can have them with butter and jam."

I love scones. I really do, but my body can't deal with thoughts about food any longer, let alone a whole batch of scones. I say "thank you, that'd be great" and I realise that, while it's often hard to think of any positive aspects of freelancing, healthy eating is definitely one of them :)

Like cat and dog

These two wee creatures are amazing. The old cool cat still loathes the newcomer (even if she's been part of the family for two years already), but she's ready to share some love with her anyway.

Love and hate. Mixed emotions.

Just what I feel right now. Luxembourg it's been very complicated and very tiring. For the past two months I've had to deal with a driver who has some kind of bipolar disorder. He's either extremely annoying with his dirty jokes (especially in the morning, when I am still in my zombie mode) or really scary when he has road rage.
But it has also been sunny and stunningly beautiful.
Yes, I am exhausted, I can hardly proofread stuff and cannot wait to go home, but this town never ceases to amaze me. If you look at it with the right eyes, you realise it has a lot to offer. And by that I mean yummy cakes and tasty traditional recipes.

                                 Gromperekichelcher (or rosti): potatoes, eggs, onions and leeks.

I mean lovely people who love you (and feed you) and very green landscape with the occasional cow.   Sometimes it's so green and so lovely that it feels like Scotland. And although Scotland will always be my first home away from home, I know I'll be back in Lux before I know it.

Funny how it works

Before you know it you go from being "just friends" to discussing how you squeeze the toothpaste tube.
And sharing your respective views on marriage, kids, politics and food (all equally important, if you ask me).
And planning holidays.
Without ever having spent a whole day together.
Crazy, huh? But that's one way to make it work.

9 to 5 (?)

More like 8 to 6 with no lunch break.

On days like this I just pretend I am a chihuahua and I feel immediately better.

Up high. No one believed she would make it, but she did. Born to run (+jump and climb)

Sunburnt and happy

There are friendships that last despite the distance. There are people who make you feel at home miles away from home. There sunny days and lakes in Luxembourg.

It's not the sea, but it feels like summer

Slovenia, Croatia, UK, Poland, Italy